I’m working my way through Richard Herring’s Emergency Questions book, 15 questions at a time. This week, it’s questions 136-150. You can read more about this project here. Please be aware that some of the questions are somewhat vulgar.
136. What is your preferred epithet for male genitalia?
I prefer to stick with anatomical terms. That way, it’s unambiguous.
137. How long do you think it would take you to write 500 emergency questions?
Several years probably, based on the amount of blog posts I’ve managed to write over the past six months.
138. Did you ever learn to juggle? If so how many things can you juggle? I demand to see proof of your juggling claims.
No. It’s something that I’ve occasionally wanted to try but never got around to. I can just about manage one ball, which isn’t exactly impressive.
139. If I could guarantee you would be unkillable, indestructible and uninjurable for the next ten years, but would die once the decade was up, would you go for it?
No. I think my odds of being killed or injured in the next decade are low and I would want to see my daughter grow up beyond the age of 12.
140. Could you ever have sex with someone that calls breasts “boobies”? What if they did it while you were having sex? Would you stop having sex with them?
141. If you had to murder one person at your work/college/family – if you had to – which person would you murder?
I think naming someone on a public blog might get me in trouble with my family or HR at work, so I’ll pass on this question. Not that I would ever want to murder someone.
142. If you didn’t have to murder one person at your work/college/family, but knew you could get away with it, which person would you murder?
143. What makes a good emergency question?
Something left-field that often results in an interesting and thoughtful answer.
144. If you had to put everyone called Smith in a league table based on their worth who would be: a) the best Smith b) the median Smith and c) the worst Smith?
a) Maggie Smith b) My friend Dave c) Morrissey.
145. When you have fears that you may cease to be before your pen has gleaned your teeming brain, what do you do?
As I’ve got older, I’ve come to accept that I will probably never do all of the things that I want to do, and so I just focus on what matters most.
146. Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real you thought that it was true? How do you know it wasn’t and that this is just a dream?
I’ve had the odd work-related dream that seemed very real, apart from some ridiculousness that made me realise it was a dream.
147. What’s your favourite drink? If you found out it was actually made out of wasp urine and always had been, would it still be your favourite and would you carry on drinking it?
Cola, and yes, I would. Considering that some colourings are made from crushed beatles.
148. Would you rather be immune from ever getting chlamydia or have free KitKats for life? (You would get 365 four finger Kitkats per year, or 366 on a Leap Year, but would still be able to get chlamydia).
Free KitKats for life. I’m married and faithful, so the risk of me catching chlamydia is very low.
149. If you could go into the transportation chamber from “The Fly” with a living creature of your choice, which creature would you choose?
An alpaca – as long as I could have the human top half. I’d be like a fuzzy centaur.
150. What was your nickname at school?
At primary school I briefly had the nickname ‘sticky fingers’ after an incident involving an orange.