Neil Turner's Blog

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RHEQs – 91-105

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I’m working my way through Richard Herring’s Emergency Questions book, 15 questions at a time. This week, it’s questions 91-105. You can read more about this project herePlease be aware that some of the questions are somewhat vulgar.

91. Have you ever been to Barometer World?

I never knew that Barometer World existed until now. Seeing as it’s in Devon, it’s a bit far.

92. Would you like to live in a world where everyone else was barometers?

No – I think that would be too much pressure.

Thank you, I’m here all week.

93. How did the murder of Thomas A Beckett affect Anglo-Papal relations in the 12th Century?

Without looking it up, I have no idea. History was never my strongest subject at school and I dropped it after year 9.

94. Do you know the way to San Jose?

This is what Google Maps is for. In any case, from here, it would involve a flight or a very, very long time on a boat.

95. There is no such thing as morality. Discuss.

Oh I think there is. I generally believe that most people are moral, and act in good faith.

96. Which RHLSTP guest would you most like to snog and why?

Sofie Hagen. She’s so lovely and I it would be great to meet her.

97. I once burped during the minute’s silence at the Ascension Day Service – what was the most audacious thing you did whilst at school?

I genuinely can’t think of anything. I was generally a good, average pupil (just had the one detention in year 9) and didn’t do anything particularly naughty or outstanding.

98. Do you think it’s possible that Postman Pat has had some kind of breakdown and the people of Greendale are just putting up with him out of some kind of misplaced loyalty to his younger self?

I think it’s possible. I’ve also heard a similar, tragic story about Iggle Piggle from In The Night Garden.

99. Would you rather do a Freaky Friday/Vice Versa with Brian Blessed or CJ from Eggheads?

I don’t watch Eggheads and don’t know much about CJ. And I think I’d enjoy being Brian Blessed and being able to boom at things. I think I do a reasonably good Brian Blessed impression but it gives me a sore throat after a while, and of course, it can’t be done quietly.

100. Which conspiracy theory do you think might actually be true?

I think there’s been a conspiracy to fudge immigration figures in Britain to make it look like it’s a bigger problem than it actually is. Here’s my evidence.

101. Have things turned out like you expected them to?

No, not really. When I was younger, I thought that I would have a career in the IT industry, and live in a city. Instead I work in education, and live in a small town.

102. Do you think the Tim Allen film, “The Santa Clause” could ever happen in real life? If you were press-ganged into being Santa would you feel happy or resentful?

No, I don’t think it could happen in real life, and I don’t think I’d want the stress of being Santa. Think about it, your performance assessment is on the basis of the outputs of just one big day a year. Okay, so you have all year to prepare for it, but it’d be a lot of pressure.

103. If you had to dig up the corpse of a celebrity who died in 2016 and have sex with it – if you had to – which one would you choose?

Defiling the corpse of a celebrity would be a pretty low thing to do. If I had to – maybe Nancy Reagan?

104. Would you prefer to be a lion for day or a lamb for a lifetime?

A lion for a day. I imagine my lifetime as a lamb would be very short.

105. How do you sleep at night?

See yesterday’s blog post.

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