I’m working my way through Richard Herring’s Emergency Questions book, 15 questions at a time. This week, it’s questions 46-60Here’s my next instalment of answers to Richard Herring’s 500 emergency questions.. You can read more about this project here. Please be aware that some of the questions are somewhat vulgar.
46. Have you ever had the opportunity to assassinate a public figure?
No. I think this question works better when interviewing celebrities, who encounter public figures more often.
47. Does sex with a robot count as cheating on your partner?
Yes, if your partner doesn’t consent. If it’s an open relationship, then that’s fine.
48. Have you ever put your genitals in or near the mouth of a dead animal?
Ah, the ‘David Cameron question’. But no, I have not done so.
49. Which is worse: bestiality or necrophilia?
Bestiality. A corpse is dead and won’t experience anything; an animal would experience something and is unlikely to have consented.
50. What crimes have you got away with?
I may have downloaded some songs from Napster back in the day.
51. Have you ever flown a kite?
Yes. I actually made a kite at secondary school for textiles.
52. What is the worst emergency you’ve ever been involved in?
I had to phone an ambulance when a friend I was walking with got hit by a car. This was back in 2008, I think.
53. What song would you like to replace the national anthem?
‘Gold’ by Spandou Ballet.
54. If you could travel back in time to compare any food of today with an equivalent of the past, what time and which food?
I would compare Party Rings with the 1980s. I’m sure they tasted better when I was younger.
55. If you had to go on a week’s holiday with a Spitting Image puppet, which would you choose?
Michael Palin, because he’s interesting and because his puppet was voiced by Chris Barrie, aka Rimmer from Red Dwarf.
56. Sport is intrinsically stupid. Discuss.
I wouldn’t necessarily describe it as stupid. If you play sport and it makes you happy, then please do so. It just doesn’t interest me – I’m not terribly competitive.
57. Is sex with a ghost cheating?
I think I’d answer the same as I did to question 47 – it’s a matter of consent with your partner.
58. Why do elephants have such low rates of cancer? 5% vs 25% of humans.
There’s a good BBC News article on the subject. Essentially, elephants seem to have evolved better cancer defences, but there are also environmental factors at play. Humans do things that increase our risk of developing cancer.
59. Can you name another animal which is cancer resistant?
The naked mole rat is the most well-known one, although they’re not completely resistant to cancer.
60. Should penis transplants ever be allowed? What are the possible terrifying consequences of such a procedure in your opinion?
Yes. I’m a registered organ donor and am in favour of an opt-out system for organ donations, rather than opt-in. I’m happy for my dead body to be stripped for useful parts and given to people who need them – otherwise, I’ll just be worm food. And yes, I would be okay if someone ended up with my penis.
I think my only concern would be that it wouldn’t be as sensitive once transplanted. I’m not a surgeon and have only a rudimentary understanding of human biology, but it may not be possible to connect up all of the nerves correctly.