I’m working my way through Richard Herring’s Emergency Questions book, 15 questions at a time. This week, it’s questions 31-45. You can read more about this project here. Please be aware that some of the questions are somewhat vulgar.
31. Which celebrity would you like to stroke your hair as you die?
Jennifer Lawrence. I think she’d be compassionate but would keep my spirits up.
32. Do you have a favourite towel? What is your best story about it?
No, not really. I do prefer to use bath sheets than regular bath towels as they’re bigger.
33. What is your most mundane encounter with a celebrity?
Richard Whiteley walked past me on a train from London to Leeds once, looking a bit confused.
34. How sensitive are your nipples?
35. Who would win in a fight, CJ from Eggheads or Jeremy Corbyn?
I don’t watch Eggheads so my opinion on this is entirely based on what I know from listening to Richard Herring. In which case, I’d go for CJ – I wouldn’t expect Jeremy Corbyn to push someone into a canal.
36. What really killed the dinosaurs?
Lee Harvey Oswald.
37. Would you rather date a man who was a six foot tall penis or a man who instead of having a penis had a tiny man?
This is a common question from RHLSTP.
I would probably go for the man who had a tiny man – would be extra company. However, if the tiny man turned out to be horrible then I might re-consider.
38. King Herod never killed any children. Discuss.
My knowledge of that area of history is lacking and so I can’t really comment.
39. Have you ever come up with an idea for conceptual or performance art that you think is better than any of the guff that gets nominated for the Turner Prize?
I once thought that King Edward Street in Leeds should have a massive potato installed on it.
40. Are you ever mistaken for a celebrity?
Haha. No. Never.
41. Do you have any good ideas for terrorist atrocities?
Not really, although I once had a nightmare about watching the building where I worked being blown up by a terrorist bomb – I think because we’d been evacuated.
42. Who would be your Desert Island Dicks? That is, which eight Richards would you take with you to a desert island? You get Richard Herring as your Shakespeare Richard.
Since this can also include people who are deceased:
- My grandfather, who I never met
- Richard Bacon
- Richard Osman
- Richard Whiteley
- Rich Hall
- Richard O’Brien
- 2 of my friends who are called Richard.
43. If I got turned into a turkey right now, what would you do?
I would be rather concerned, and worried that I would be next.
44. Why can’t everyone be babies?
Babies are very dependent; I don’t think humanity would last long if we were all babies.
45. If Alan Sugar asked you to name his autobiography, what would you call it?
The Amstrad Apprentice.